MONOLOGUE.

by Derek banner

People don't like to have Gray hair.
It reminds us that we're getting old and we want to stay young.
But we realise there is no way around it, we accept it and we learn to live with it.
One thing AI and ChatGPT could do for us humans is to stop the growth of Gray hair. That'll be pretty cool.
If AI ran for the highest office it will get all of us' votes, just for that, to stop the massive expansion of Gray hair once and for all.

Gray hair,
The most hated and underrated thing on Earth.

Gray hair is like weed.
Weed that grows in your yard and wildly spreads and takes on territory. Once you see one, you know there will be more.
Like migrants.
One comes in and crosses your border and many more follow.
You need to beef up security and protect your border.
Dye your hair till it drips down your face when you're sweaty and too excited like Rudy Giuliani.

Gray hair is like old European colonial settlers,
They occupy one territory and they go on and occupy more territories.
You fight them, pluck them,
But they keep conquering you,
Changing the way you look.
First they occupy your head,
Then your eyebrows,
Your eyelashes,
Your armpits,
Down to your pubic hair where it shouldn’t be necessary.
Taking over!
And if you used to have dark hair, you start to look salt and pepper.
Even a bald head has Gray hair,
That is how tenacious and stubborn Gray hair is.
Everything is gone, but Gray hair persists and stays.

Gray hair is like weed,
Smoking weed that makes you high,
Literally.
Some of you start to look and feel wiser after you get Gray hair.
You start to ask yourself existential questions.
Why am I here?
Why are we here?
How can I stay younger?
How long do I have left to live?

Once you grow Gray hair people around you start to die.
A neighbor you’ve known for years,
Your grand-parents,
People you grew up with.
That’s how you know you're getting old.
There is no way around it. Bad news!
And when you get old things start to happen.
Your body start to behave different.

The human body,
The most ungrateful thing on Earth!

Your body never says thank you.
You take it to the gym twice a week so it can feel strong and healthy,
You give it the most fancy clothes and decorate it with expensive jewellery,
You feed it morning, noon, and evening,
You dye the Gray hair so it looks younger,
But no, never says thank you.
Never!
Not even once your entire life on planet Earth.

And when it gets old the couch becomes your body's biggest companion and comfort zone!
Your body wants to do nothing that requires energy but sit there on that couch.
Remember, never buy the most comfortable couch, because your body will take advantage of it and misuse it.
Before your body used to “sit down”, upright on the couch,
Then as Gray hair kicks in your body prefers to half sit and half lay down, leaning further and further backward but not fully lying down. And years after Gray hair gains more territory, before you know it, your body prefers to completely lay flat on the couch, in front of a TV set.
Sometimes it even forgets that you have a place you call bedroom, with a bed,
You wake up one morning and you realise it is the next day,
Morning,
Your body has just spent the entire night on the couch.
You turn off the TV, which was going on the whole night, your body turns it back on again,
No need to get up,
Your body decides to continue on the same position.

It is not retirement, though it could feel like it at times.
It is throwing the towel at life.
Your body can’t no more.
So ungrateful.
And when your body is sick it gets even worse.
Your body completely gives up on you,
It feels sorry for itself,
Doesn't want to eat,
Doesn’t want to sleep,
You must call someone to walk it to the bathroom.
It wants to do nothing on its own.
If you’ve had a dog for years it will be sitting there on the floor right in front you, watching as Gray hair is taking you over,
Fixated, staring at you like it is waiting for something.
Your body used to take it out for a walk every morning and evening, but that has changed.
And when your own dog starts to stare at you nonstop right in your face it means it can see you are no longer human,
You are a living corpse waiting to expire.
And it all starts with Gray hair,
The most hated and underrated thing on Earth.